Lord Paul of Waggsville was today forces to take legal proceedings to stop “peasants, vagabonds and tramps” from trying to use his land.
“Unfortunately, these people keep trying to use my land. They bring their footballs, their families and their packed lunches and try to have a good time. It’s just not on. Poor old Lady Linda has nowhere to walk the whippets”.
The Common Land and Town and Village Green Committee, of which Lord Paul is owner, this week decided that the poor would not be allowed to graze their children on the land, and any transgressors would be deported to Australia, or if not possible, to Sunderland.