The famous Channel 4 “Time Team” archaeologists have this week made a startling discovery at the Arbeia Roman Fort in South Tyneside. Buried inside what can only be described as a “metal chariot”, the team found 18 black onyx’s boxes, containing parchments containing specimens of “perfect hand writing”. Speaking to Tony Robinson, the programmes presenter, The Northern Herald obtained the following statement:
“Never before have we found such perfectly preserved documents. The writing is very clear, with two copies of each document signature. The Romans were obviously very conscious of making sure everything was in order. The chariot clearly belonged to the Emperor Thompson of the villa “Skip Hire”, and the papers relate to a dispute with the local Centurion “Ahmed Khan”, who for some reason the local Beaconbents Tribe have placed a mark next to his name. What this means we don’t know. The only problem we have is that the top soil is very fresh, which may be the result of local farm ploughing”.
When pointed out that the onyx boxes also had a McDonalds carton mixed in with the “parchments”, Mr Robinson looked clearly embarrassed and mentioned something about being “duped”.
Carbon dating techniques have shown that the boxes and contents date to approximately 4th May 2007 AD, give or take a few seconds.
Inspector McBribe confirmed that a porter had been taken in for questioning, but released due a lack of evidence.