Sunday, 23 December 2007


Paramedics were today called to a full meeting of South Tyneside Council after several councillors were reported to be suffering from sever exhaustion, or given its Latin term “Democratica-Inia-Practicosa”.

Northumberland Ambulance Service has issued the following statement:

“We can confirm that 4 ambulances and a helicopter were dispatched to the Council chambers after 8 councillors had collapsed due to heat exhaustion i.e. the heat was on them. Our officers found them to be sweating profusely and very hot under the collar. Two had actually “bust a gasket” through shear temper. We were able to bring them round with sweat mince pies and lashings of mulled wine. One Councillor didn’t even know who he was, but his memory returned later that night outside a local night club”.

A Council spokesperson commented:

“Many councillors suffered exhaustion as a result of answering public questions, staying awake through out the meeting and having to pay attention to the agenda. This is not what we have trained them for. We remain committed to ensuring that nothing of this nature ever happens again”.

Environmental Health Service's were also quick to comment. A vet said “This is the worst case of “accountability” to hit the Borough in decades. If the outbreak is repeated in January, we may be forced to sedate or cull the public after 20 minutes, together with an exclusion zone of 20 minutes for Independent councillors”

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