NEW BBC SCHEDULE

Due to cutbacks and job losses, BBC 1 has been forced to change its previously published schedule’s. Here is today’s TV output:

9.00 a.m. – 10.00 a.m.
AROUND THE WORLD IN EIGHTY DAYS
Councillor Pottsy Pans travels around the world on first class transport, all paid for by the tax payer. With a special gust appearance by Michael Palin.

10.00 a.m. – 11.00 a.m.
THE LIKELY LADS
Those Geordie scamps Paul Waggot and Ian Malcolm enjoy a couple of pints at their local while deciding on council policy.

11.00 a.m. – 12.00 p.m.
IM A COUNCILLOR…..GET ME IN THERE….
This weeks reality tasks involve staying awake, turning up at meetings and meeting ward members. Considered the hardest tasks yet, no survivors are anticipated

12.00 p.m. – 1.00 p.m.
HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU
With guest host David MacLean from the Gazette, the panel includes BRENDA, Lady Linda Waggot of Waggsville and a horse.

2.00 p.m. – 3.00 p.m.
JACKANORY
Tall tales from the Borough council. This week we have “The Case of the Missing Ballot Boxes” read to you by Ahmed Khan.

3.00 p.m. – 4.00 p.m.
AFTERNOON FILM: STAR WARDS
Freedom fighters led by Jedi knights “The Independents” take on the evil “Borough” empire, headed by Darth Waggot, in an epic battle to take control of the “Council”. This instalment is set on the planet “Beacon”, with its satellite moon, “Bents”, where 18 ballot boxes containing votes have been taken hostage by the evil empire. May the farce be with you.

5.00 p.m. – 6.00 p.m.
CORONATION STREET
A soap opera concerning every day folk, happily living in their well maintained council homes or homes they had bought under the right to buy rules. However, along come South Tyneside Homes, sell of the stock, knock the houses down and force people to live elsewhere. New homes are then built for every day folk to live in. This programme will be repeated every 50 years.

7.00 p.m. – 8.00 p.m.
THE BIG FIGHT
Boxing from Temple Park, with the Feather Light World Championship (Green) Belt being up for grabs. In the red corner we have Ian “The Itch” Malcolm, weighing in at 600 £’s per meeting. In the silver corner we have Alan Branley. Today’s referee will be the Mayor. Fought out over 10 rounds, Branley may have to miss rounds 4, 6 and 9.

8.00 p.m. – 9.00 p.m.
LATE NIGHT FILM: CARRY ON AS USUAL
Despite problems of missing ballot papers and the issue of Gypsies Green, the Council carry on as usual, almost as if nothing has happened. Starring Paul Waggot as Sid James, Ian Malcolm as Hatty Jacques, and Pottsy Pans as himself.

9.00 p.m. – 10.00 p.m.
CLOSEDOWN: THE WEATHER
George Elsom presents the weather, with an explanation on how hot air works.