Following the collapse of the Tavistock Hotel Development, South Tyneside Council have announced that the Gypsies Green Stadium is to become a “Carrier Bag Reserve”. Banned to the point of extinction, carrier bags are now missing from many Boroughs’ in the country. Hence the Councils desire to create a safe haven on the sea front.
Irene Daktari, the reserves Chief Executive, told The Northern Herald;
“There are only a few carrier bags left in the country, and even then they are under threat. However, by putting them in Gypsies Green stadium, they will be free to blow around in the wind, get caught in fences and be used as bin liners. We have tried to recreate their natural environment, so every morning we fill them up with cans of beans, soup and Special Brew, and walk them around the track. We have carrier bags here from all over the country, including Tesco’s, Asda and Sainsbury’s. We even have a rare breed from Curlys Corner Shop.”
Elsewhere in the country however, carrier bags are not so welcome. Police have also reported an upsurge in carrier bag related crime, with members of the public meeting in secret to hold “carrier bag parties” and collect take aways from back street restaurants.
Inspector McBribe of the Serious Plastics Squad said “Carrier bags now have a higher street value than crack cocaine.”