HAVE A LARF!

Feeling a bit troubled about recent events in South Tyneside, I have been trawling the web for jokes relating elections etc. However, I discovered the following genuine answers to GCSE exam questions.

A little light relief is just what is needed:

Geography

Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology

Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The body is consisted into three parts-the brainium, theborax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains thebrain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie.

Q: What does *varicose- mean? A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term *Caesarean Section. A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

English

Q: Use the word *judicious- in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word *benign- mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology

Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears.