Saturday, 2 February 2008

Dearly beloved we are gathered here to witness the departure of……..

I purchased today’s Gazette at 8.47am, which is not bad going for an “afternoon” newspaper. Is this a record? I sincerely hope that nothing “breaks” in the news world after say, 9.08am, as it would be a shame for them to miss it.

Anyway, that’s not the point of this post; the Gazette has had a good week when it comes to the Borough’s political differences. Reporter David MacLean’s keyboard must be red hot such have been the ferocity of his ample (but excellent) coverage, and Editor John Szymanski’s leader comment on the boycott of the Council’s Friday meeting was one of the most insightful he has penned.

Today’s edition carries a report on yesterday’s reconvened Full Council meeting and EGM. Members of the public are pictured wearing masks as a protest at being gagged by Brian T Scott, the Council’s Solicitor, or as the public call him, Sweeney Scott, such is his butchery of motions and questions! These public masks could become Standard Council attire, such is the stench of the undemocratic behaviour emanating from the Town Hall.

As the EGM opened, there were no surprises. The first praise for Councillor WAGGGOTTT went like this;

“He’s brought about the stability of the Labour Group, which once fought like ferrets in a bag”.

The public, minus masks, peered over the ramparts of the gallery, passed the Superintendent and his bobbies helmet, to see who had been the first to fire the salvo for the “WAGGGOTTT Appreciation Society”. Was it Malcolm (not his first name)? Was it the Lords wife Lady Linda? Was it even one of the minnows like Sewell, Maxwell or Perry? Or indeed the usurper McAtominey?...... No, it was Councillor David Potts, Leader of the Conservative Party (Rock Paper Scissors) and opposition candidate in the next election for the constituency seat of Edinburgh South West. “Halleluiah!” said a member of the public “We now have political unity in the Borough. Cross the floor Councillor, and join your paymasters! It must be first class travel all the way!”

No matter, his comments merely opened the floodgates, and a sycophantic wave of religious praise washed over the chamber! It was cleansed!!!!!!!

Like a Billy Graham gathering, WAGGGOTTT was exorcised as the great unwashed looked on sombrely.

Rising from his throne, he acknowledged the worshippers at his feet. His thorn of crowns drew the blood of deep Red Labour! How they wept in appreciation of his Tedco sufferings! Reading from the Book of Constitution, WAGGGOTTT preached his sermon to the converted.

Page 19, Psalm 11, all pray:

“Praise be fore our leader WAGGGOTTT, for he came down from the hills of Fellgate and he did smite the Branleys, for they had challenged our Great Lord, but they did not turn up due to a great principle.

WAGGGOTTT, with his trusty disciple Scott by his side, he did also silence the Lunatics who had gathered in great number, all aligned under the banner of the false idol Ahmed in the Temple of Beacon and Bents. But Scott he had fiddled, and it was judged that it would Catch up on him 22.

For it is here that it is prophesied that a great battle will take place in the year of our WAGGGOTTT 2008.

When the forces of the Lord our Leader shall attempt to lay waste to those who think for themselves.

Rejoice! Cried Emperor WAGGGOTTT, for the great unwashed have been unmasked, and shall be forced to worship at the Temple Tavistock.

No! Cried the great unwashed, for we have sussed you out, and you are all blighted by corruption and over £50000 per year for the privilege”

Amen, Hail Linda and a couple of Shalom’s for good measure”.


As they all left to feast on the last supper, WAGGGOTTT shook all their hands in Mafiaesque fashion. The Don had survived his first assassination attempt, but the knives were out. As he waked away, he calmly looked at his pal(s)m

Yes they had shaken his hand, but they had left the black spot!

1 comment:

Denny said...

And Paul said one of my disciples Judas Malcolm did make a deal with the devil. I knew not why but I forgave him. Jezebel the wife of my friend Eddie Mac sold herself to Judas for he had the sign over everyone even those nearest and dearest to him.
There was a gathering in the house of Malcolm on the eve of the Sabbath. It is here that Judas anointed the successor to Lord Paul. Thus a gentile known as Clare was anointed by holy water known as gin and the deed was done. Judas was happy for he now had control and with James his brother they did assemble at the Fountain. But not before Judas lit the fire to send out smoke from the chimney to let the people know there had been a coronation.