Wednesday, 12 March 2008

Hugo Rifkind Swears

And so he might, such is the drivel that has been spouted by various papers concerning Gordon Browns desire to have some for of national oath of allegiance to the Queen. The Times at least has the guts to highlight the fact that Scottish and Welsh nationalists would find the concept totally abhorrent, and with the added caveat that the Irish Republicans would probably return to conflict over the issue, the whole idea has been revealed as nothing short of a media exercise in deflecting attention away from the fact that Brown has completely lost the plot.

It has been left to Hugo Rifkind however, to diffuse the issue with a little bit of satire.


Hugo Rifkind swears

I swear to be mildly dismissive of the Royal Family, but cry when one of them dies

I swear to be drunk at least twice a week from the age of 13, unless I am more than three months pregnant

I swear to hate my neighbours, on the off-chance that I should ever meet them

I swear to enter into the Great British Conspiracy whereby we all claim to find it in no way bizarre that Bruce Forsyth is still on telly.

I swear not to be bovvered. Does this face look bovvered?

I swear to f***ing swear

I swear to be aghast that it costs £230 to get from London to Manchester by train, but pay it anyway

I swear to watch EastEnders at Christmas

I swear to reluctantly allow my four-year-old daughter to dress as Britney Spears

I swear to only ever speak English, especially abroad

I swear to have strong views on immigration, while paying my Polish builders only in cash

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