Friday, 19 October 2007


A Liberal Party official was quick to deny that Ming Campbell had been ousted from the party’s leadership because he was “too old.”

“That’s absolutely ridiculous” said TinkyWinky, head of the party’s Publicity, Media and Nappy Unit. “The Liberal Party is not ageist and values the experience that age gives”.

Speaking from the Westminster MP’s ABC Crèche, TinkyWinky revealed the list of candidates who will be standing in the leadership race.

Poppy Mia, Aged 7 months

Ashley Troy, Aged 18 months

Burberry Pizza Hut, Aged 3 days

Courtney Chantelle, not yet born, due on Tuesday.

It was confirmed that the spokesman for Foreign Affairs, Peter Pan MP, aged 4, had been ruled ineligible to stand for the leadership battle as he was about to start “the big boys school”. None of the other candidates were available for comment as they were having their afternoon nap. However, The Northern Herald can reveal that candidates will be backing the following manifesto pledges:

1. SMA to be on tap in House of Commons toilets for future Liberal MP’s
2. Compulsory “rest periods” between Common’s debates, notably just after lunch and before playing on the swings in Hyde Park.
3. The Speaker of the Commons to be replaced by Noddy.

Future Liberal press conferences will now take place in McDonalds play areas, and 10 bumper seats have been ordered for the new Liberal front bench team.

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