MILK IN COWS SHOCK

South Tyneside schools are doing away with the traditional glass bottle of milk, and will from next Monday serve school milk from a “cow”.

“This is environmentally a very good method of serving milk” said Mrs A Cat, Head of School Services “as they don’t require recycling and will walk to school. We have even managed to genetically colour code the cows. The ones with blue hair are full fat, the ones with green semi skimmed and the ones with red hair have no taste at all.”

Farmer Giles, Head of Cow Contractor Services, a Council ALMO company, was said to be “over the moon” for the cows, though the cat, the fiddle, dish and spoon were unavailable for comment.